Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
