He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
