Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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