he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
