Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
