Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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