So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
