There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
All I want is dick and wine.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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