i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
