I got chris browned last night
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Ladies don't puke and tell
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
