even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
