I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
