i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
