There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
