If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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