A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just found a bag of teeth...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
