We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
