i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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