How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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