i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
