dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
