He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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