I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
