It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
