Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
