I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
