So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
