Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
