Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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