I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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