i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
