just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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