I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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