you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
