the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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