SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
