the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
no you cant smoke seaweed
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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