Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
