party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
