I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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