can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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