Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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