WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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