I wish my penis had an off switch
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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