All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
