Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
