hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
