Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
