the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
