i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
