Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
