Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
