She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
